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Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Sunday, September 1, 2013
FUN CULTURE final scene
Again, another raw scene. Enjoy!
Dawn of the Final Day
If only there was a way I could go back to the moment
I met Dante, to warn him how much this was going to suck. Every ounce of me
wanted to turn around and say how much it meant to me, how I wouldn’t have made
it through the summer without him, how different and strange my summer would
have been and that I can look back without anger or resentment. All the things
I felt the night before Grand Bend weekend and how much I wanted to pack and
leave the minute I told my brother I was coming out to Vancouver to live with
him.
I didn’t have any reason to stay other than school,
and even then I wanted to drop out and run away. The first decision to leave
was to run, I was suppose to pull a Lion King, escape from my past and start a
new life. But I wasn’t escaping anymore, I was moving on and getting stronger
in the process, becoming a person who people loved and didn’t want to see
leave.
Yet, in the midst of the commotion of the airport,
after checked in my bags and said good bye to my parents, I stood there, trying
hard not to break down in front of Dante and his friend Kole. Dante had a
strong face on, but Kole’s eye’s were a giveaway. When I turned around to give
Dante a hug, he immediately made his way to me, sliding his hands around me as
his head bend down to kiss my cheek. Why did this have to be sad? All I knew
was that he was bound to move on.
Dante had been a good catch and I didn’t think he’d
stick around this long. Even during our late night talks after sex, he always
made it seem like this still was just a fun little fling. Looking at him now,
sad and distant, I knew I somehow left tiny footsteps in his heart without
meaning too. I could count the times he made himself out to be a player, yet
the kind words he would say, full of genuine feeling and meaning. And that’s
what made him a good actor.
Now, as we held each other in the center of people
trying to make their flight, there was no acting, no hint that he didn’t care
about me, and that’s what made it a lot harder to leave. He sniffled and I
started to shake as this overwhelming emotion hit me when I realized what we
had was the closest to love I felt. After had been broken for so long and
treated like shit by my Ex, Dante was the thing I needed to give me hope again
that I did in fact deserve better, that I should have been treated and actually
loved.
This was the closure I needed. I didn’t need to see
my Ex, and say a last goodbye to him. Fuck him, he was no where close to
deserve my attention. Instead he got to continue his sad existence, not caring
about anyone else but himself. He got to use his friends to get ahead, be
lonely and drink beer all night wondering what the fuck he was going to do with
himself. He got to go downtown and be one of those sleaze balls you see, only
buying you a drink because you’re cute and he wants to get laid. Quiet the life
he got to live.
I was leaving footprints, because it didn’t matter
how much money I made, or the things I did this summer, it was what I was
leaving behind that made everything worth experiencing. I experienced a lot
with Dante, and Kole, and it was this moment of leaving them that I knew I was
leaving something with them. Even as I felt Dante’s tear fall onto my cheek, I
had to say one thing that was he was going to take to heart.
“Thanks for giving me the best summer,” I whisper
into his ear as we pull a little apart, but still hang onto on another.
“You’re going to do great out there,” he says, trying
to smile. I could hear the sadness break through his voice and a little piece
of my heart breaks too, not in the way it had back in December, but in a way
that the piece that broke was worth breaking because the person took it was
going to keep it forever and cherish it.
We kiss and kiss again more intensely. How I just
want to make out with him at that moment but instead I got up onto my tipy toes
so my lips are next to his ear.
“I love you.”
“I love you too,” Dante says before realizing what I
just said. “Wait, did you just say that?”
“Yeah, because I really do.”
“I love you too, for a while now.”
That’s all I needed to hear, the confirmation that
all the times he did say it, he did mean it. I don’t know why he had rejected
my response whenever he said it to me. I began to just take his ‘I love yous’
as an automatic response with his good byes, like saying it to his mother and
his best friend. He was Italian after all, the most passionate lovers or at
least that’s what people say and from this summer’s occurrences, a true fact.
Dante saying that had made me a little stronger with
the goodbyes, or so I felt at that moment. Suddenly the atmosphere around us
dissolves and the look in his eyes makes me crazy, just like they always have
done. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but just couldn’t and it was
all my fault. I had guarded myself from the beginning because I didn’t want to
get hurt again. I didn’t want to give him all of me since the last person I had
done that with, threw it all away, spit me out like some bad taste in the back
of their throat. But not Dante.
The first few days we hungout after Grand Bend, he
had already shown me a lot of himself, without shame or regret, but with
confidence and strength. I remember, getting into his car and telling him, “No
falling in love now.” And he laughed and told me not to worry but I already
knew we were both doomed.
We had one job. One job and here we were, crying and
already missing one another. We failed ourselves yet still lived with no
regrets. And when we finally broke apart so I could say good bye to Kole, all I
wanted to do was be in his arms again, to hold him forever and say I love you a
million more times.
Kole spread his arms like a wing span and embraced
me. That’s all it took for the tears to finally burst from hiding and stream
down my face. These people I was losing were people I’d never be able to
replace. I couldn’t even stand that thought. All this time I thought, ‘oh, I’ll
miss my friends,’ and I was never really sad about it, since I knew they were
always going to be there. But now it was like, I’ll never be able to replace my
friends, even the new ones I made this summer and found myself closer than
ever. Kole was one of a kind and proved to place himself in the top standing
with all my other close friends. He proved that age didn’t matter in friendship
and that I could count on him as one of my best friends.
I wish I could relive the start of all this, slow it
down and watch our favourite parts, where we could’ve been more careful, or
maybe, a little more sincere. As I said good bye and gave Dante one last kiss
then watching him leave, all I could feel was sudden excitement. Yes, I was
upset at having to leave a wonderful person like Dante, to the leave behind my
friends, but that excitement dawned because I was intrigued to see what was
going to happen next. What would become of us?
And when I board the plane, sitting in the back and
wanting more than anything to listen to music and to sleep, I couldn’t help but
feel a stir inside me, unknown yet wonderful. When you leave somewhere
familiar, you’ll always have a safety net of security no matter your money or
living situation. When the plane turns and shuttles off, gaining speed and
trying to catch air for take off, I can picture the sky above that was about to
engulf us. It wasn’t until we were 40,000 ft in the sky, surround by clouds
that blinded me from seeing anything further, that it was symbol of my life at
that very moment. I really didn’t know what was lying ahead, when my whole life
I always had an idea of what was in store. So this excitement that had suddenly
spawned itself within my aching heart, was the fact that I didn’t know where I
was going to be a year from now, or how Dante was going to change if he did, or
what friends I’ll have when I come home to visit. It was exciting and new, and
I knew two things:
1) I
was broke as hell and had the drive to succeed to obtain my dream
2) I
was going to be okay
Knock on
wood just in case. Deeper into the clouds I go and when I make it out into
clear skies, I’ll know. Know what? At
that moment, I didn’t know, I had an idea. But I’ll just know when I get there
I guess.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
The Big Move
Well, it's been settled. I'm moving!
At the beginning of May on my older brother's birthdaym I messaged him a Happy Birthday and a following text saying: "Help me get out of here" Lol.
You see, lately I've been having missed feelings about Windsor. I grew up here and it'll alway be home, but something in my heart urges me to leave. I'm 24 and I've accomplished a lot. I have my Esthetics deploma, Can Fit Pro, Personal Support Worker cert. and I wrote a book! I feel that I've gotten what I can out of Windsor and it's time to move forward in my life.
My friend had re-added me to facebook and it's what he said that made me reginize what this feeling meant. He said:
"Courtney, we all have those friends, that after graduation I think, 'where are they even headed in life?'. I've never had to worry about that with you though. You have big dreams and big aspiration that you to go out there and get. You're too big for this city."
Not to be cocky, but he's right. And I think that's how I've been feeling, I need to escape, I need a change, and to be in a place with more oppertunity.
So I decided that I'm going to move to Vancouver BC. My brother already has a room for me to stay in while I'm there to get settled in. I'll be driving up there with my buddy, so I'm pretty pumped about the road trip!
I also plan on selling my book across Canada as we make our way to BC. Over all I'm pretty pumped. Money's the only issue atm.
Oh and there's a boy. But that's another story :)
At the beginning of May on my older brother's birthdaym I messaged him a Happy Birthday and a following text saying: "Help me get out of here" Lol.
You see, lately I've been having missed feelings about Windsor. I grew up here and it'll alway be home, but something in my heart urges me to leave. I'm 24 and I've accomplished a lot. I have my Esthetics deploma, Can Fit Pro, Personal Support Worker cert. and I wrote a book! I feel that I've gotten what I can out of Windsor and it's time to move forward in my life.
My friend had re-added me to facebook and it's what he said that made me reginize what this feeling meant. He said:
"Courtney, we all have those friends, that after graduation I think, 'where are they even headed in life?'. I've never had to worry about that with you though. You have big dreams and big aspiration that you to go out there and get. You're too big for this city."
Not to be cocky, but he's right. And I think that's how I've been feeling, I need to escape, I need a change, and to be in a place with more oppertunity.
So I decided that I'm going to move to Vancouver BC. My brother already has a room for me to stay in while I'm there to get settled in. I'll be driving up there with my buddy, so I'm pretty pumped about the road trip!
I also plan on selling my book across Canada as we make our way to BC. Over all I'm pretty pumped. Money's the only issue atm.
Oh and there's a boy. But that's another story :)
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
The Ultimate Query Letter
I've been writing Query letters for Literary Agents and Publishers for about 6 years. Trial and error, rewriting and revising to make my query worth reading to the oh-so-busy agents.
So this is a format to write a unique-ish (cuz you can only be so different) and GREAT query letter that'll help you get noticed.
Agents read 100-200 query letters a day and it's only the first few lines that get them to ACTUALLY read your email/letter. So the first step to have a eye catching line, something that makes your email stand out!
1) Before you even put "Dear So & So" why don't you put your favourite line of your book at the top of the email/letter? It's draw their attention and intrigue them enough to want to read your email :)
2) After the Dear whom and who you need a good intro line. What I like doing it visiting the website of the agency I'm sending my query too. I do this to get an idea of what kind of person this agent is. Searching for their twitter account works too and gives you a deeper insight to either have a professional intro line, or to start it off fun!!!
3) The Body of the Query letter!! The hardest part if I don't say so myself. I find this the hardest thing to write because I can't, for the life of me, write a good paragraph on what my book is about. Hence all the years or rewriting and revising the damn thing!! So what I'd suggest, have a friend (who read your book and is generally good at writing as well) write one for you! That why you don't over explain things or go off on a tangent about something in your book that doesn't have to be explained. The power of a few words is important here!
Note: Keep it short BUT DON'T leave them hanging. Agents/publishers will stop reading right then and there.
4) Forth paragraph should be something about promoting your book, your dedication and drive to make your book number one. If you get your book published, you don't just sign a contract and bathe in the royalties, you gotta go out there and make people wanna read your book! So talk about your audiences, maybe how you'd promote you book and free samples. Everyone likes free samples :)
5) Always say thank you. :D
6) Even if they don't ask for it, send them 1-3 chapters of your book (unless they say NO in their guidelines on their website. What if you did such an awesome query that they want to read your book right away?! Give them something to read! OR if you have a unique and wonderful review from someone of your audience, adding that makes your query that much more different.
Hope all that helps. Over the years I've sent so many different query letters and following this format has gotten me the most amount of positive feedback/responses from agents and publishers. So try it out and you may get lucky :)
So this is a format to write a unique-ish (cuz you can only be so different) and GREAT query letter that'll help you get noticed.
Agents read 100-200 query letters a day and it's only the first few lines that get them to ACTUALLY read your email/letter. So the first step to have a eye catching line, something that makes your email stand out!
1) Before you even put "Dear So & So" why don't you put your favourite line of your book at the top of the email/letter? It's draw their attention and intrigue them enough to want to read your email :)
2) After the Dear whom and who you need a good intro line. What I like doing it visiting the website of the agency I'm sending my query too. I do this to get an idea of what kind of person this agent is. Searching for their twitter account works too and gives you a deeper insight to either have a professional intro line, or to start it off fun!!!
3) The Body of the Query letter!! The hardest part if I don't say so myself. I find this the hardest thing to write because I can't, for the life of me, write a good paragraph on what my book is about. Hence all the years or rewriting and revising the damn thing!! So what I'd suggest, have a friend (who read your book and is generally good at writing as well) write one for you! That why you don't over explain things or go off on a tangent about something in your book that doesn't have to be explained. The power of a few words is important here!
Note: Keep it short BUT DON'T leave them hanging. Agents/publishers will stop reading right then and there.
4) Forth paragraph should be something about promoting your book, your dedication and drive to make your book number one. If you get your book published, you don't just sign a contract and bathe in the royalties, you gotta go out there and make people wanna read your book! So talk about your audiences, maybe how you'd promote you book and free samples. Everyone likes free samples :)
5) Always say thank you. :D
6) Even if they don't ask for it, send them 1-3 chapters of your book (unless they say NO in their guidelines on their website. What if you did such an awesome query that they want to read your book right away?! Give them something to read! OR if you have a unique and wonderful review from someone of your audience, adding that makes your query that much more different.
Hope all that helps. Over the years I've sent so many different query letters and following this format has gotten me the most amount of positive feedback/responses from agents and publishers. So try it out and you may get lucky :)
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
And so it begins!
Website is underway
I got a query letter printed and will be sent by this afternoon
Discovered photoshop is on the computers at the college
Smell that? It's faint and far off, but I smell success!
I got a query letter printed and will be sent by this afternoon
Discovered photoshop is on the computers at the college
Smell that? It's faint and far off, but I smell success!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Exciting News!
I've been playing with a few idea's lately about my book and where to go with it.
1) Video game design! (Lot's of hours, but hey I need a hobby!)
2) Making a video (Less hours and more fun!)
3) OKay okay, getting an agent is hard. I'll take a fellow authors advise and go to the Publishing Houses instead! Bought Writers Market 2013
4)Website design! Woot, that'll be fun!
AND this blog will be going under some changes! So get ready for some awesome change!
1) Video game design! (Lot's of hours, but hey I need a hobby!)
2) Making a video (Less hours and more fun!)
3) OKay okay, getting an agent is hard. I'll take a fellow authors advise and go to the Publishing Houses instead! Bought Writers Market 2013
4)Website design! Woot, that'll be fun!
AND this blog will be going under some changes! So get ready for some awesome change!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
One Hour a Day
I've been trying to write for an hour everyday before I go to bed. Ha. Did it once and we're already 15 days into January? Nice try Courtney, nice try!
It's been a bit hard with the break up and everything to sit down and write Book Two of the Echoes. I haven't even been reading a lot either. But atleast I've lost weight and people have been noticing! lmao. So that's nice. :P
I was able to write a good scene with Adam for Book Two that had to do with what I've been feeling and thinking during the break up. It's been pretty good, but I've only been able to write when I'm drinking wine....a few glasses in lol.
I am now a broke College student (Yes, I'm going back to school WOOT for good income) so I can't really afford wine, but I'm not going to let that be an excuse to NOT write. BAM. Motivation, no excuses.
I'm not going to get into the break up details. Maybe later on. I'm going to have a secret revealing blog post in the near future to kinda let loose. I've been talking to people about the break up over and over so I'm just sick of explaining it. Yuck.
Everyweek I will try and post something on here to do with my book, working out (which just reminded me to update Fitocracy) or some update on my life :)
Cheers
It's been a bit hard with the break up and everything to sit down and write Book Two of the Echoes. I haven't even been reading a lot either. But atleast I've lost weight and people have been noticing! lmao. So that's nice. :P
I was able to write a good scene with Adam for Book Two that had to do with what I've been feeling and thinking during the break up. It's been pretty good, but I've only been able to write when I'm drinking wine....a few glasses in lol.
I am now a broke College student (Yes, I'm going back to school WOOT for good income) so I can't really afford wine, but I'm not going to let that be an excuse to NOT write. BAM. Motivation, no excuses.
I'm not going to get into the break up details. Maybe later on. I'm going to have a secret revealing blog post in the near future to kinda let loose. I've been talking to people about the break up over and over so I'm just sick of explaining it. Yuck.
Everyweek I will try and post something on here to do with my book, working out (which just reminded me to update Fitocracy) or some update on my life :)
Cheers
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