The Devil and God are raging inside

Good Album(title) It how I felt yesterday. I got mad at Greg last night. It wasn't a big fight but it was one of those 'I'm sick of this' fight. He spent the whole drive home saying nothing as I was telling him how I feel. Then I go to leave and I don't give him a kiss goodbye, he doesn't deserve one. So I give him a txt after he leave, cuz since he went and didn't even try and make things better or fix anything.

After txt's back and forth he comes back over, we talk and he sleeps over.

The whole Devil and God are raging inside me come from me wanting to break up. It's just that I don't have faith in him to change anymore. I don't expect him to change, just to not make me feel bad when he does nice things. Certain things that he says just need to change. It's impossible to break up with someone that you really love because I don't want to stay with him for love and have it waste my whole life because he doesn't change and continues to be a dick.

Which leads us to my dream I had. I'm used to having dreams of Greg betraying me, since it's my worst fears. BUT this one, he cheated on me with my client Morgan! In the dream, there was a party and I left early, but Greg stayed and went to another party with her and that's where the cheating happened. I couldn't even bring myself to ask him what they did, even if it was a dream. The next day I see Greg and start piecing together what really happened and it comes out.

All I felt in my sleep was heat come down from my shoulders and burn into my chest. I start to breath weird, like I can't breathe through my nose and I start heaving. Everything starts to crumble inwards in my chest, my heart start pumping harder and it hurts a lot. I start to wake up from my dream.

It's only 7am and I had the worst sleep. For the next two hour I relive that dream, constantly getting my heart broken. It feel like did with my ex. It's like a panic attack and someone tied you chest tight and they keep squeezing.

I need to find my lavender spray! Since that was the only thing that stopped the bad dreams...